Growing up, there were two categories of girls. Girls with mostly girl friends. And girls with mostly guy friends, or only guy friends. The latter was a group that swore off other girls and turned their noses up at all things deemed feminine. And I’m not talking strictly about the stereotypical tomboys.
While I’m not a fan of archetypes these days, for discussion sake, I refuse to tiptoe around these classic labels.
There were girls like me that fit into the second group. You absolutely would not find me engaging in burping contests or getting dirty in the mud. That wasn’t me. Having guy friends didn’t mean I was blind to their shortcomings. I simply got along better with my male peers.
I recognize now, as an adult that this was a sentiment shared by many of my (now close) girl friends. From a young age, there was this notion that the scope of interest for other girls was limited. Girls enjoyed dressing up, talking about boys, gossiping about classmates, and avoiding anything they described as gross. What possible substance could girls have that would interest me? A girl who cared about more than my face and my clothes. Yikes.
Isn’t it funny then, that almost every woman I know had felt similarly at one point or another? Why, if we all thought that way, maybe we would have all been friends sooner.
What does it mean to empower and support other women?
As an independent, self-made, ambitious woman, I take myself very seriously. I take pride in my ability to hold my own even if I am the only woman in a room. I take challenges head on and understand that there is a constant pressure to prove myself. And I do it. Again and again.
But. I struggled for a long time to take other women seriously. If you asked me point blank whether or not I support other women, I would answer without a second that I did. My actions however, did not always reflect that. Neither did my inner critic.
It turns out that “empowering” and “supporting” women was much easier said than done. So I ask myself the following: What does it look like? What should it look like? How can I get there?
1. Recognize and check against unconscious bias.
When I was in a managerial role, I found myself inherently trusting men more than women. Before I identified and became aware of my unconscious bias, I truly thought that I was being fair. After all, I’m a woman as well. Why wouldn’t I want other women to succeed?
I realized that this bias was completely unconscious. It was a bad cycle. I had seen more men in similar roles and my mind associated familiarity with trust. Stick with what you know. This feeds into a vicious cycle. To truly empower and support in an effective way, it is important to recognize and question whether you might be part of the problem.
2. Offer tangible and actionable assistance.
When I was building my career, I hesitated to ask for anything. And when I had an opportunity, I always treasured it a little too much. I was fiercely loyal and I worked hard to prove myself worthy of whatever opportunity I had. As a result, I also stunted my own growth trajectory. I allowed myself to be underpaid and overworked.
One of the most impactful and meaningful ways to support another woman, especially in the career sense, is to offer tangible support and take action. If it’s low effort to make an introduction, do it. If you know of a relevant opportunity, pass it along. If you observe that something is off, call it out. We live and we learn. But if we want to be empowering, we prevent others from making the same mistakes we did.
3. Put your money where your mouth is.
Words of affirmation do not pay the bill. When I was working full time, I could never ask for a raise successfully. When I began my side hustles, I had the toughest time asking to be paid. It became a huge blessing when I began to speak up and demand my worth. But it took a long time to get to that point.
If nothing else, the best way to support other women is to support their business, their project, their ideas. It does not cost a dime to refer others. And when working together, it is as simple as respecting the time and value that they are offering.
Final Thoughts
I’ve come a long way since ignoring girls on the playground. But I’m still learning how to support women proactively. It is a work in progress, one that will hopefully evolve and spark a positive cycle forward.